the title is important, but

Evolving, evolution-not a conclusion but a resolution
slowly eradicating problems, obligations complications
eventually perfection, but intentionally?
retrospectively looking at the future reassured that we’re unsure
where we’ve been or where we’re headed, instead of
living in the moment unfocused, relentless defenseless
we try to find the why and the how, vow to do better
next time, perplexed and wine when it comes to the end
intended on abolishing time, polished the clock, mocks 
efforts, experts’ expertise foresees, nothing fussing, gushing
over statistics, logistics, characteristics, top of the food chain?
Claimed sane, ascertain one day to answer all, enhance lives
cancer, depression, recession, oppression, comprehension
religion, regret, offset the slightest, right this, fix it
repair despair, the end isn’t extended


Dear Mister Rob Ford

No fags allowed

Toronto’s not proud
clouded in drugs
smuggled beneath 
his jacket, smack? 
crack addict? 
but say no to a dyke
fighting for rights
as the flag’s torn down
bound by politics
lunatics, pricks, taking a shit
on our freedoms, come clean
then, of your vices, think twice and
get out of office, your ignorance can’t stop
gluttonous and ignorance up on your high horse
endorses, reinforces the stereotypes 
wipe that grin from your face ford
face forward look us in the eyes
without a disguise, not high off your rocker
pill popper, should we legalize revolvers?
drug wars started by the aryan race
cesarean your face
take down our flag, plagued, you’re a 
disgrace, now common place
to a city erased, by a big fat goof
bullet proof vest, lest we forget 
people died for our freedoms 
need them to vanish in a panic
or a manic episode of yours
railroad efforts put forth,
you’re a drunk, an addict and 
a glutton, button your 5 X shirt
and rehearse, curses in your verse
on how gays are wrong, don’t belong
part of  your vision 
prison is where you’d be if you weren’t
white, rich and a bitch like me

I looked down on that bear locked behind bars
Aching I asked where’d he acquire his scars
Jarred, he laughed and quipped “get this-silly human looks down
on what she can’t get.  How quickly they do, and often forget”
I looked around to see, who it was he was referring
preferring my level of hierarchy I asked once again
“Poor little bear, oh where are they from?”
He responded “Now you really are quite dumb.  Go away little girl
your approach is unwanted.  I’d prefer to be taunted.  You think that you’re
clever, thinking you’re better on the right side of that fence.  But you see
the grass is greener.  Obscene you think it is to be watched, but you’re taught to
value the camera.”
I pretended I didn’t understand all the growls and grunts
and decided I think I’d reconsider and start learning to hunt.

I once asked a friend why they talked in their sleep
I repeat, why do you talk while you dream
serene it could be, why share it with me
share what should be quite private
not try to disguise it?
shouldn’t your dreams be between the people
they’re made from?
and she answered me freely without sounding greedy
she said it’d be nice if you could, just for a second or two
keep your thoughts to yourself She said she think that’d help
if I spent my time dreaming rather than needing an explanation
a rationalization perhaps I’d get a realization that to share your dreams
to show your heart, show that it actually bleeds proves that you’re human
and strong.  and then she asked if I knew, ever, even for a second, where 
I belong.

February first, cursed it’s the worst 
weather wise, without compromise 
the wind howls and seeps into the psyche
snidely remind me why I’m tolerant of abhorrent
months of cold, withholding information, heat, insulation
incarceration-walls of frigid crypts 
see my breath, confess my coldest thoughts
they can only be seen 
it becomes routine, the sun setting too soon
the honey moon of summer long in the past
slipped out while grasped, but when the 
hand slowly opened, a potent vapor was
all we wore, crisp and clean 
whispers unseen, foreseen but unstopped
adopted, but wished it could be forgot
watch as the days become longer
stronger a slow quiet beat of the drum
strum of a guitar, overcome the depths of 
this sorrow, dark today, brighter tomorrow
it’s a fighter, ever slighter is the sight
it’s got appetite, that spring in the air
ill prepared the cool air glares as 
it slowly can’t bare the competition
without permission, spring swoops and recoups
regroups to finally give over to warmth 
mourns for swarms of bees, no guarantees for a scorcher
it’s torture holding your breath near death, 
waiting in awe of the changing season the only reason
to stay in the cold, nature unfolds in front of your eyes
a surprised every time sublime, as the animals wake up
could mistake such agony for sanity, but it’s well worth it
watching the world birth this

As I board the plane, the same time I was sure 
That the man behind, in sublime, in line, was confined
beside the window, subliminal, what seemed to me to be 
confined, was fine by him and actually preferable
not miserable, maybe it’s the perspective of our electives
but I prefer the take offs and landing, spanning over a few thousand
feet, as I counted the people until they became specks 
I was perplexed by the racing in my chest, I had confessed
all my sins and paranoia, annoyance fled and quickly became
panic, volcanic eruption my heart darts out under my clavicle
radical as it seems tactical mapped out in my brain
irrational for such a large thing to fly, we’re going to die
impassible the cart with the alcoholic drinks, It’s on purpose
it’s a diabolic plan, should have taken a sedan, a mini van
car pooled, ruled out all the threats, but still have the sweats
this is my armrest, too anxious to comment, what was the onset
of this sudden attack, a lack of awareness
Control and console talk to a higher power. rectifier of my problems
worries, as they blossom, but when they’re squandered, my mind wanders
from belief, quick as relief-relieved-differently perceived when I’m in trouble
when i’m not the feeling’s muffled, muddled, crumbled
as soon as we land, thoughts left stranded
almost reprimanded for reaching out 
leached what I needed I proceed to my destination without hesitation
no second thought, I’ve forgot until I’m found in a similar situation 
the temptation arises, surprised i’ll heed to it once again

The Alphabet and I Never Really Bonded

assigned a house doused in gasoline 

obscene, can’t conceive, perceive, or achieve 
is it foreseen? i demean and shut down
too easy to dismiss, miss the hints
hits me like a ton of bricks have fits 
i destroy then rejoice 
flip from furious to over joyed
delirious, deranged, enraged
i got a therapist so i’m in therapy
thanks for the sincerity a parody 
when i enter the room he can
only assume that i’m willing to spill
i start my monologue
the things i feel sad about bad about
unload my doubts, how i explode and 
if i were a railroad or a train i’d be derailed
impaled or appalled
it’s hard to recall in front of him

when i feel good i feel great

then i hate, can’t concentrate, deteriorate  
what surrounds me it’s profound 
what the evil can succeed, mislead
supersede dis agree, mis read
i’m mis red can’t comprehend why i do what
i do, don’t what i won’t
my opponent it’s only me 
a lonely sea with out a tidal wave

my title’s waived, ashamed, enslaved
obscure, suppress my depths
not cold but frozen 
slowly erodes and decays
grays, withers, shivers disgraced
refrains then regains wants what it craves
just the puppet i get flooded
and plummet screams are muffled need
readjustment but it’s easier to fall 
appalled, i crawl until my sudden 
overhaul of elation it’s my motivation 
doesn’t come in moderation, it’s a sensation
or more a violation an affirmation that 
my destination is here and now 
as quick as it came, it dives
high in the sky, it’s vaporized before my eyes

devised as a disguise quickly i’m immobilized 

to my surprise i’m back to agonize, cannot

socialize you see I hit a wall and it’s not a stall
it’s a complete and utter stop, a cease and desist

from bliss to wish i didn’t exist 
in the gutter, it’s a shot
i fade depraved of even the sun
always wondering how come.

i write the body, you think of the tags and titles

propped up in bed a prop-misled
the outside resembles me it’s essential
for the bond that you feel, i’ve reached my potential
the photos of myself up on the shelf mirror the me 
i was, but no longer am, not stronger-much weaker
barely able to speak, the photos i know them 
but it’s slipped through my thoughts, i remember 
sometimes but usually forgot
keep coming to see me, believe me or not
i’ve grown tired, disowned out grown this 
earth, 98 years since birth 
well rehersed, emersed in delusions
knew who you were-not so sure
can’t grasp it so far, feel harassed 
believe i’ve surpassed my necessity
gone is my brain, please take the rest of me
my daughter’s voice on the phone 
i should applaud her-her voice unknown
i hold the receiver -have i been deceived or?
how did I get to this place, did my mind erase
don’t remember the ring, feel faint to the armrest 
i cling, who’s this person i hear-it isn’t quite clear
am i in the middle of a conversation 
I add a yes for their confirmation 
i’m still on the phone, i can’t lose face
how long has this been, is it now commonplace?
am i lucid? confused and convoluted? 
all these blank faces surround me 
am i lost? i’m exhausted and haunted
could it be months or even years have but disappeared?

optional (title)

i’m wide awake at four in the morning
informing my mistakes they haven’t the best 
of me yet, regrets. I must forget
this wretched death that haunts my thoughts
at four in the morning-i want what can’t be bought
for even if i had the revenue 
the odds would be askew for may i ask you
what is the point in purchasing rather than
rehearsing and trying 
maybe i need modifying or my goals perhaps
retracted an infraction before they’ve collapsed and
i wake up and i’m forty without any warning 
and there’s no where to go but up
or kick the bucket
just shut up before you’re defined
shut up and you’ll be fine
bored not content boarded up with no rent
afford it like the one percent
buy your way into your destiny
confessed to me i’ve gotta relentlessly
not recklessly fight for a place on this map
or your talent will be kidnapped
like witchcraft thought it’s evil or no good


future blurred, i winced convinced for concern overheard

so let’s write something up beat
bare not to repeat the sad little songs
gone wrong played on a fiddle
don’t cry me a river, clear me a path
an hourglass stares at a polygraph
it’s time or the truth one must come loose
missed all the clues, ques now it’s all skewed
the sand begins to race the clock
in shock, pushed off the table top
smashed on the ground, without any sound
now time has slowed to a snail
failed to unveil, but as you exhale
the sand begins to blow out of site
out of mind and for a second it’s possible
to rewind, the past and present become intertwined
you gain prospective objective in your new objectives
it seems so clear to you now
all your failures some how seem important
and not so morbid, not so silly and trife
as you inhale you feel chilly must pay the price
to look through the glass
the last thing you see before you collapse
is what looks like a mirror or yourself in a mask